when yOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE FAILING AT THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN YOUR WORLD.

There is a dull pit in your stomach as you drive home from work everyday. Your chest feels tight and you even feel a sense of relief on days when you need to work late- somedays you stay back at work even when you don’t need to. You feel dread about going home and then you feel like a shitty person, for feeling the dread. You wanted to be a dad- you want to be a dad. Then why does the feeling of regret never leave? Games, giggles, a feeling of pride and protection is what you thought this was going to be. You were going to be the father that was going to love changing diapers and rocking his baby to sleep! But now you feel like the father that cannot stop his baby from crying no matter what. That nothing you do, is what your kid wants. You take the night shift only to wake your partner up with dejection- your baby doesn’t want you. The crying never stops. There are clothes and diapers everywhere. You look at your partner to feel the connection and empathy you always had for each other- you always had each other’s back. Except your partner barely even looks at you anymore- and even in that relationship, you constantly have a failing report card. You don’t help enough, you dont understand enough.

You, are not enough.
You love them. And yet, you also wonder if all this is a a mistake that cannot be undone. When will fatherhood feel like something you are good at? Will you ever share intimacy again? Will your life ever return to normal?
You hate admitting it, but you are now wondering if you are just like your dad- a failed father and a failed partner.

No, you are nothing like your dad. You are not failing at any of this.

Easy for you to say”, you think. “You’re a mom. Kids always want their moms”.
Yes, and I am also a therapist who has supported fathers just like you make sense of this confusing and frustrating time that was supposed to be so joyful. And a partner who has been in the lonely hole of new parenting that you and your partner are in, just as blindsided as most new parents.

This is hard. There are very few things in our world more gutting than feeling unwanted by your own child and simultaneously by your partner.

As your therapist, I will be there to hear every single thought that you are too ashamed to say out loud, without judgment. I will help you understand exactly what is going on for you, your baby and your partner. We will finding solutions for the daily problems you battle and ways to support your family and yourself during this time. We will work together to help you find clarity, relief and the thing you crave the most- connection. And all of this will anchor on one fact that I already know is true for you- you are not a failing parent. You are on a therapist’s site, wanting to make this better. You are seeking help. You are already doing right by your kid and setting an excellent example.

Imagine feeling excited to get home after work. Feeling confident about what comes next and why, when your baby cries. Seeing that love and twinkle return in your partner’s eyes while you feel reassured, loved and dependable. You feel like a team and your family feels like your corner of the world that is better than you had imagined. Your people. All of this is possible. This time of new parenting will pass no matter what- we get to decide if we want it to be a time of laying solid foundations of connection for our family or a battle ground you survive, but not without scars and bruises that linger with prolonged disconnect and distance from the ones you love. Email me at nam@ebon-aire.com or text/leave a voice message at 619 612 0125.

Let us ensure that your baby’s first few years with you are ones you both love.